3-Percent Girl ~ My Life & Thoughts by Lucky Leilani

Darkness

February 28

My Book. My Bookmark - Bought Long Before The Book!

Reminds me of my favorite quote:

Only when it’s dark enough can we see the stars
~ MLKjr.

The 50 Shades book hints at one of the main characters, Christian Grey, as being “very dark”. It’s made me think about the darkness lately. I’ve been encountering it in a lot of my reading or visual research or daily life lately. I know from personal experience, it sometimes has to get pretty dark in order for us to see the light and the possibilities in the Heavens. We have to, first, look upward. If we never look up, we’ll get swallowed up by the darkness around us.

Because of personal experience or just the fact that I can easily connect to people on an inner level, I can see when darkness has swallowed up someone’s soul. It’s as if all the light has left their eyes when I look into them. Recently, I witnessed this which caused me to post the following…

“The wound is the place where the light enters you”
~ Rumi

I finished the “50 Shades of Grey” book a few days after Valentine’s Day. My goal was to finish it before I went to see the movie on Valentine’s Day with a friend. I had the flu all that week prior to the big day, so I didn’t get it done.

I’ve had several people, and friends, tell me reading the book reminded them of me.

I was a bit shocked to see how much of “me” was in the book – and to read the author mention “Idaho Falls” (the town I currently live in) on page 33 of the book. If I could prove it, I’d swear the author was reading my tweets from early 2010 to 2011 when the book was published. There were just too many “coincidences”. Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading it even though the editing of the book sucked and I found myself saying “ass” every time I read the word “behind“. And the British slang drove me mad since the book was based on a character who lives in SEATTLE, USA – and isn’t British! For Pete’s Sake! (Not “pity’s sake”!!!) If you’re going to write a book, at least do some RESEARCH!

No need for a spoonful of sugar.

You’re the author of this nightmare.

So… If I’m the “early” Anastasia – I wonder, Who’s my “early Christian”? That orphan I’ve been searching for.

Here’s a favorite of mine – Kate Havnevik “Emperor of Nowhere” – I LOVE the creative “black and white-ness” of this video…

Legend

February 25

I was craving some Solomon. I came across this. It’s sprinkled with wisdom and some pretty amazing legends.

Enjoy!

Solomon Burke “None of Us are Free

Grace

February 24

I love this and wanted to share…

Sandra Googles Herself

I <3 U

February 23

I Feel.
Therefore I am
.

Turn Off the Lights.
Get Lost in Love.

Sarah Mclachlan “I Love You

Medi k’Ate

February 17

Skylar Grey “Dance Without You” says it all…

Sick

February 16

My Little Black Dress and Blood Red Silk Scarf…

Sometimes you don’t realize how good it feels to be alive until you experience the opposite. It takes walking through the fire and Hell to know how good the good life really is. You have to have something to compare or you just don’t really know how good feels.

I’ve been pretty good at putting myself in the shoes of someone who has experienced both sides – I can feel pain even though I haven’t been through it. I can go to the depths without ever actually having been there.

Let me explain.

I’ve had the flu. I felt like I was going to die – but it pales in comparison to a woman who was on stage on Valentine’s night talking about how, at 29, she suffered a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. She heard them call “Code Blue” as she died on the table. The doctors were able to bring her back and she was able to get a heart transplant and is alive to tell about it. Before she was even telling her story, tears were streaming down my face. My friend sitting next to me said “You’d think you were the one who was pregnant by how emotional you’ve been lately” (she has a 5 month old baby). She had forgotten how connected I am to some people. I can tell what they’ve been through or what they’re going through without having ever known them or talked to them. It’s as if I can read their heart and scars on their outside – like a street map. It’s dangerous. It can feel as if I’m caught in an invisible emotional web. It doesn’t happen all the time – I’m just more easily affected – more of my emotional, raw skin is close to the surface – sometimes.

Having been so sick lately, my senses are stronger – I can smell every little thing, I can hear every little thing, I can feel every little thing – as if for the first time. It’s as if I’ve come back from the dead and I’m experiencing life for the first time. Even daylight seems brighter. The sound of birds sounds sweeter. The feel of the breeze on my skin sets me on fire.

I never want to die. There’s too much in life to experience.

Even though my friend was making a joke I knew why I was in tears. I had put myself in the shoes of the one who died so that someone else might continue to live. I did it effortlessly. I couldn’t stop myself. I was there before I knew I was there. When I arrived, the world looked differently to me at that very moment. I suddenly wanted everything I could squeeze out of life. I wanted to embrace it with both arms and both my hands. I wanted to inhale. Deeply. Get as much into my lungs and my heart as I could possibly hold.

Life is fragile.

Here’s some tips for common heart attack warning signs:

• Uncomfortable pressure, fullness, squeezing, or pain in the chest that often extends up into the throat and lasts more than a few minutes, or goes away and comes back
• Pain that spreads to the shoulders, neck, jaw or arms
• Chest discomfort with lightheadedness, fainting, sweating, nausea, or shortness of breath
• Becoming fatigued quicker than is normal

Less common warning signs (found especially in women):
• Deep back pain right between your shoulder blades.
• Atypical chest pain, stomach, or abdominal pain. Some people will experience right-side chest pain, or will have pain only in a shoulder or arm.
• Nausea or dizziness (without chest pain)
• Shortness of breath and difficulty breathing (with or without chest pain)
• Unexplained anxiety, weakness, or fatigue
• Palpitations, cold sweat, or paleness

Signs of heart failure (also known as Congestive Heart Failure or CHF):

People often ignore these signs and symptoms, or think they indicate another medical condition. If you experience any of these symptoms, please seek medical attention immediately. Heart failure means that the heart muscle has become weakened and is failing to pump blood effectively. (“Failure” in this case does not mean the heart has stopped beating.) The symptoms of this heart condition include:
• Shortness of breath on exertion
• Waking up breathless
• Trouble breathing when lying down or going to sleep
• Fatigue
• Weakness
• Swelling in the feet, ankles, or fingers
• Chest pain
• Coughing
• Confused or impaired thinking
• Palpitations in your heart
• Decreased appetite or bloating in the belly
• A three or more pound weight gain in 24 hours or a pound a day for three days

Skylar Grey “Back From The Dead

Coco Puffed

February 12

So far, I’ve been pretty lucky.

I’ve been spared from entanglements with the really crazy guy. I have encountered my fair share of stalkers and been bruised by someone who was a very dark nut-disguised-as-a-sane-one. I’ve been able to get through most of my adult life basically unharmed and physically still intact.

I have encountered some really batshit-crazy women though.

I often wonder if it’s just harder for those of the opposite gender to spot crazy because attraction makes us blind.

Here’s some helpful advice from Matthew Hussey to help you sort the Crazy out, with a sense of humor…

Red Velvet

February 12

What better way to celebrate all things L.O.V.E. than with some Sugar?

P.S. I LOVE his convertible! And the look on the chef’s face in the kitchen is priceless :)

Here’s  Maroon5 – which is just a 7-letter word for S-E-X-Y  S-O-N-G-S…

Up Do

February 11

I’m sick with the flu.

But even in moments like this, I can still enjoy something with a sense of humor. I don’t watch tv but I still get bombarded with commercial advertisements online. I try to avoid them at all cost but this is one of those ads that I had to watch – and that I wanted to share with you because to me, as a woman, it is insanely funny. I can laugh at it even though it’s making fun of women and their obsession over perfect hair. I’m not one of those women so it’s easy for me to laugh at. I’ve also known some women who are exactly like the “girl” in this video. Ugh. How do guys put up with it?

While we’re talking about hair, I try to avoid anything “unnatural” in general but especially when it comes to skin or hair since our bodies absorb so much through these areas, going directly into our bloodstream. Here’s a link to the FDA website where they discovered formaldehyde in a “hair straightener” product. LINK: FDA Blowout This product is used extensively by women of color to straighten naturally curly hair. I’ve heard it referred to as “black crack” because it’s so addictive. It makes me sad that people feel the need to conform instead of just being who they are, naturally.

To help you stay healthy while I’m recovering from the flu, Here’s more info on dangerous cosmetic products. LINK: 10 Beauty Products

As a side note, I think it’s even better that the hair commercial used a guy to be the female lead. He’s adorable. See for yourself…

Shit Girls Say About Hair – DitchTheDrama

Storm Reigns

February 3

A not-so-pale Shade of Grey.

50 Shades is apparently a more mild version of BDSM from what I’ve heard. I haven’t read the books. But…

Seattle is delicious!  I think I’m gonna love this
(Click on link to view. Not allowed to embed.)

And yes, it’s true. They do.

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Me on my 10th birthday ~ A very sad day

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

~ Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher (604 BC – 531 BC)

Knowing that I am about to take a journey of a thousand miles doesn’t make writing this any easier. I am about to share with you things I haven’t made public until now. I have only talked about these things with a few people I have allowed to get close enough to me over the years. I have a lot of friends but I didn’t make really good, true friends until I was much older. Growing up, life was very difficult for me. I was subjected to abuse, neglect, and things no child should have to suffer through.

I am number 7 of 8 children. Only 7 survived; 6 girls and 1 boy. They are all my half-siblings and I have another brother from a step-mother on my dad’s side. My real dad died in a car accident when I was 6 but my parents had divorced long before that. Practically from the moment I was born, my life has been a living miracle. I was raised by my grandmother, “Mrs. B” as everyone called her, for most of my life. It was the time spent with my mother that can fill the pages of a novel and which has brought me to this site, to share my life with all of you reading this.

I have often been told by those who know me and hear my story that I should write a book about my life. I have kept a journal for 31 years and consider it my therapy and believe it’s one of the reasons I have been able to deal with the demons in my past as well as I have. I guess, in a way, by writing about my experiences here, I am finally writing that book. And I am willing to share with you a lot of the things that happened but what I am not willing to share are the specific methods used to torture me as a child since I vowed to myself long ago that I would never disclose that information. I don’t want anyone reading my words to get any ideas on how to torture a child without leaving a mark.

It’s an epidemic in our society ~ One that I believe has gotten much worse since I endured it. Even though I managed to live through all of it, I have often wondered how I managed to turn out so different than my siblings ~ That one in eight ~ who went on to break the cycle of abuse, thrive, live a healthy life, and arrive at a place where I can talk about it with all of you. How is it possible that I didn’t turn out to be a criminal or an abuser? How is it possible that I have managed to be “normal” when my mother and siblings aren’t? How is it possible that I was able to move on and not dwell on what happened? How is it possible for me to talk about it now? And above all, why am I so happy?

I was told by my grandmother (my mother’s mother, Mrs. B.) that I was barely three months old when she and her husband, my grandpa Warren, drove from Idaho to an orphanage in California “to get me” and my siblings. She said they waited and waited for what seemed like hours “for the women to bring me out”. She said she didn’t think they were going to let her have me – that I had already been adopted out and they were too late – until finally one of the women brought me to my grandmother and explained that they couldn’t find any clothes for me to wear and that was the reason for the delay. To hear that I was laying in a crib naked, at three months old, somewhere in an orphanage in California, makes me shudder to this day. Of course, I was too young to remember that.

What I do remember is how happy I was while living with Mrs. B. ~ a “brown-purse-carrying-woman” who only “graduated” from the 8th grade (Girls weren’t encouraged to go beyond that grade in school during the time period she grew up in).  Undeterred by this, she managed to own her own restaurant during one time in her life. She was an amazing woman who lived to be 88 years old and whose words still echo inside my head every now and then when I am searching for wisdom ~ some of the pearls I will be sharing with you.

I’ve always felt like I was lucky and blessed throughout my life. I just didn’t realize how lucky I was until I heard Country Music Singer, Jimmy Wayne, say that only three-percent of kids who are exposed to abuse and neglect grow up to “survive and thrive” (as I call it), becoming productive members of our society ~ I didn’t realize I was a “Three-Percent Girl” until February 5, 2010. I still cannot get the words out of my head. It has taken me a month to overcome the tears and sadness and overwhelming shock I felt when I realized I was only one of THREE-percent. Three lucky pennies who have managed to pay back to society what others have lost.

This site will go on to live long after Jimmy has finished his walk from Nashville, TN, to Phoenix, AZ. I am going to be sharing with you not just what happened to me as a child, but also talk about my mentor, Fred, who is a HUGE reason I believe I survived and became such a well-rounded individual and I will be giving him an opportunity to write, in his own words, what it was like to be a mentor to me and how that happened. I am going to share with you my thoughts as I look at the world through the eyes of a three-percent girl, including articles, statistics, resources, experiences I’ve had in the past, such as volunteer work I’ve done, as well as since Jimmy has begun his Project Meet Me Halfway campaign and the sister site, ProjectMMH.org began. I’ll be sharing some of the fun things I do every day, including some of my recipes, pictures, and ideas. And of course, some good laughs (because those of you who know me from Twitter, know I can hardly keep a straight virtual face!) and since I’m an environmental scientist, I will be talking about the environment ~ which, surprisingly, ties in very neatly with the problems we are having in our world today with teen homelessness and the mission that brought Jimmy and I together, on the same path, where our two worlds collided and helped you and I meet on Twitter (something I knew nothing about until 2 months ago!).

I am new to blogging as well, so forgive me if it takes a little while for me to figure it out – I’ve been on a crash course for a few days now. I also encourage you to post a comment – which, I believe, will be hidden until I can decide how to best manage them – if you have questions. I will be happy to answer them or find the answers for you and post them in upcoming blogs. I hope this will be a two-way channel of communication since I truly believe the only way we can change the epidemic is through education and communication.

This website is a view into my world as a 3-percent Girl ~ A way of sharing with others my past, my present, my thoughts, my questions, my answers, and my adventures. It’s my desire that in some small way it may save a life or inspire “hope”.  Therefore, I hope you enjoy the walk with me… into my future

~ Leilani (who considers herself a VERY lucky girl!)

P.S. For those of you who have stumbled upon my page and want to learn more, click on the hyperlinks I’ve provided in my pages and they will guide you to more resources. Just click the back arrow on your web browser to return to my site. Don’t forget to bookmark my page too! Thanks for visiting and I hope we can one day share a cup of coffee, some good laughs, and a great conversation, face-to-face.

Hope is a waking dream” ~ Aristotle

HOW TO CONTACT ME:
Follow Me On Twitter ~ To send me a personal message, you can ask me to follow you back and then send me a DM.