I thought my New Year’s Resolution was going great. Just before Christmas, I happened to sit next to a guy at work during a staff meeting. It was an hour-long holiday lunch before the hour-long meeting to follow. I had just come from another 4-hour long staff meeting in another building. It was nice to somewhat relax and enjoy the conversation he had with me. I left 2 hours after I arrived not really thinking anything of it. No pressure. No I-just-wanna-get-into-your-pants vibes from him.
My #1 Rule: Don’t go out with guys I work with.
The next day, I got an email from this guy – at work – sharing a link to the news that New York had banned fracking. I had read about it on Twitter the night before. I replied to thank him and let him know I had already heard the news and shared my thoughts about how stronger, more populated, wealthier states in the U.S. exploit poorer states and how I feel the U.S., as a nation, exploits third-world countries in the same way: for their resources – including their human resources – and to use their land as a dumping ground. I probably exposed more of my inner thoughts than I should have through a work email, but I was impressed that this guy hunted me down among almost 4,000 employees to send me a link he knew I’d appreciate. He made a special effort to locate me and be thoughtful. I started thinking about our hour-long conversation and it occurred to me that this guy had actually TALKED with me for an hour on nothing to do with work. We talked about quantum mechanics and, my favorite, quantum physics. And of course, the environment. He had held my attention for an entire hour and I didn’t even realize it until the next day. And, he was cute – and smart.
The next day, he called my office number. We talked for more than 30 minutes. Our conversation had nothing to do with work. I was thinking I could bend my “no-dating-co-workers-rule” for this guy. He mentioned, after I told him about my Sasquatch-for-a-puppy, that he wanted to get a lab puppy and train it for hunting. I was ready to strike him off my “do-able list” for being a hunter. I cannot be with anyone who hunts for sport. He reassured me that he only goes bird hunting – mostly pheasants. He told me he had just moved to the area and was looking for a place to hunt wild turkeys. I told him where he could find them – since I almost got shot picking huckleberries one year when the picking and the hunting seasons overlapped due to the strange weather. He responded in a please-don’t-go voice when I mentioned I had applied for a job in Oregon. I told him not to worry because I turned it down after finding out there were only 1,300 people in the entire town – “I’d be bored out of my skull” and I knew it. I had mentioned I wanted to see “The Theory of Everything” movie and he said he wanted to see it too. He told me he also wanted to see “Lucy” and thought I’d really like it too. We talked about everything except the weather. It was refreshing. He told me he wanted to pick my brain. By the end of our second conversation, my brain wanted to do more than pick his! I finally told him I had work to do and had to get off the phone. He sent me an IM (Instant Message) while I was away from my desk, asking if I was still there. He knew I put in long hours. By the time I replied, he was gone for the day.
Mom Too – And The Kitchen Sink!
The next day, I sent him a message asking if he’d like to go see “The Theory of Everything” movie that weekend. He responded by saying his mom was in town for the weekend. I told him – half joking, but I was actually serious – that his mom could come too! I really meant it. I don’t have a problem with someone’s mom hanging out. I thought it would be nice to get to know both of them at the same time. I ended up watching the movie with a friend of mine. I was almost glad he didn’t go because I thought the movie would make me cry but I, strangely, didn’t shed a single tear.
I saw two of my other friends that Saturday. I revealed to them that I had made getting a boyfriend in 2015 my New Year’s Resolution. One friend rolled her eyes and the other friend just stared at me with the “Are You Kidding Me?!?!” look. You would have thought I had just declared war on womanhood and somehow betrayed our friendship in the process. One friend is always off and on with her boyfriend, the Katy Perry song “Hot N Cold” makes me think of her. She’s broken up and gotten back together with her current boyfriend three times since Thanksgiving! She’s the female version of that song. Her love life is a regular roller coaster ride. One that drives me crazy and I’m not even in it. The other friend started lecturing me about how she’s perfectly happy and doesn’t need a man. I’m not listening. I’ve been in those shoes before. No, I don’t need a man. I want a man – but not just any man. I want one that makes me smile and makes my heart happy. I want a guy who can carry on a conversation with me that has nothing to do with the weather. I want a guy who makes me feel like my little black dress – the one I did end up buying for Valentine’s Day. He makes me feel sexy and tells me I’m beautiful whenever he gets the chance and I sense he’s sincere. I want a guy who will hunt me down among 4,000 people and I’m the one he chose to talk to. I want a guy who makes me believe I’m the only girl in the world he wants to be with. I want a guy who’s secure enough in himself – and in me – that he would say “Yes” when I ask for his mom to come along to watch a movie with us. I’m not deserting my girl friends. I know better. I’m just ready to have a better love in my life. The kind of relationship only a guy can give me. My friends calmed down and started giving me tips on how to flirt with him. I admitted I suck at flirting. I’ve vowed to slow down this year, long enough to let the fact that a guy is flirting with me sink in before he has a chance to get away or I accidentally walk away without realizing he’s trying to attract my attention.
Ryan was now on my Radar.
Yeah, his name is Ryan. Normally, I wouldn’t disclose it and just tell you that I gave him the nickname of “Chucky”. My friend was horrified when I told her his nickname. She thought it was because of the movie where the doll comes to life and kills people – I told her I’d never seen the movie because I thought it was stupid. And no, his nickname had nothing to do with the movie. I named him that because he’s always posting Chuck Norris jokes on his email profile at work. So, armed with advice from friends about how to flirt with Ryan, I went to work on Monday with the intent to invite him to a murder mystery dinner show I was going to be going to that Friday night – last week. Chucky. Murder. You know it’s going to end badly. Hang in there! But first, before I go on, I need to fill you in on the progress of my New Year’s Resolution…
Tightwad Be Gone!
I’ve put the word out that I’m willing to date again – Send all your single guys my way! I’ve got one who wants to set me up with a fire fighter. One that wants me to go out with her mechanical engineer friend. And I’ve got several guys I work with who have shown interest. One is a guy who told me that he’s been seeing a girl for a year and… “is thinking of asking her out” – My reaction was WTF!!! A WHOLE YEAR AND YOU’RE JUST NOW THINKING ABOUT IT!?!?! You move way too slow for me!!! I would give up on you if you haven’t asked for my phone number after the third week! He’s also a Virgo. I’ve nicknamed him “Ken Doll” because he looks immaculate and tries so hard to be perfect. I know being with him would be like dating myself, another Virgo – we’d obsess over health matters, worry about everything, and analyze down to the smallest detail about what something meant. Basically, we’d drive each other crazy even though we’d know we’ve mastered the art of perfection to a “T”. That’s the problem – we’d be TOO perfect. He’s been having another female co-worker test the waters with me for him. He was growing out a beard and mustache. I went to lunch with the female co-worker and when I told her I wasn’t attracted to guys with facial hair, his facial hair was gone the next day! I knew why. And it made me sad that he’d want to change for me. I know this sounds odd. Most girls would be thrilled a guy would change for them. Normally I would have been but I’m not physically – or mentally – attracted to him. I tried. I did. The chemistry just isn’t there. He expressed interest in going to a murder mystery dinner with me when I told him I’d gotten a ticket and there was an empty seat next to me. I bought my ticket a month ago and asked him if he was serious about going. After a couple of weeks, he came into my office and asked me to show him how to find the theatre’s website and leaned over my shoulder, with his head within an inch of mine, to look at my computer screen. I was sitting in my chair. I didn’t get the “I wanna shag you” feeling I’m looking for in a guy. I got the creepy vibe. I was also frustrated because I’d already emailed him the link – Was he not paying attention?!?! (That’s the thought that crossed my mind.) When I told him the ticket was $33 he asked me how long the show was. I told him it was probably an hour long but it could go longer. He responded in a way that made me feel he was too cheap to spend money on an hour-long dinner show. I knew right then I was going nowhere with this guy. If I’m buying my own ticket and he won’t spend money for his to go to a dinner show in Small Town, Idaho, that’s one of the few places that offers CULTURE in this town (!!!), Forget it! I can’t be with a guy like that. He blew it and I was relieved the next day when I saw the seat next to me was still empty.
There’s a few other guys I work with but they’re a lot younger than me. One is 6-foot, 6 and I could have a lot of fun with him. He’s adorable and I had to tell him that tall is a very good thing when he was being self-conscious about it while talking to me. I love a tall guy. I do. Besides a brain, I think it’s the most attractive feature in a man. I’ve already nicknamed him “hedgehog” because he’s so tall, he had to curl up in a ball to fit in the passenger seat of my car one day. It was adorable! And he makes me smile – and he rides a motorcycle (plus+plus!). I also think he might be nocturnal after I saw his eyes roll up into the back of his head during a staff meeting one day because he was so tired. He’s since explained to me that whenever he sits down his body thinks it’s time to go to sleep. Really?
So, after my encounter with Chucky I was beginning to think I could break my rule of dating guys I work with. On my way to a meeting I had in another building, I was looking down at the sidewalk, watching where I walked because it was still icy and it was snowing. Chucky was walking out the front door with a male co-worker and said “Hi Snow White!” when he saw me – I had snow in my hair, I guess. Then he said to his co-worker “She’s famous”. At first I didn’t recognize who he was because when I saw him last, I wasn’t trying to memorize him – he was my co-worker after all, and that meant he was off-limits. I said to him “I am?” – I had no idea what he was talking about. Then I realized who he was and said “You’ll have to fill me in on that one!” and he said something I couldn’t hear to his co-worker. As I waved good-bye, I kept walking into the building so I wouldn’t be late for my meeting and he kept walking toward the parking lot. When I got back to my office, I decided I’d be brave and send him an email asking if he wanted to go with me to the dinner show. I told him he could go with me if he promised to fight off the paparazzi for me. I had decided I would bend my “don’t dip your pen in company ink” and my “no hunters allowed” rules and make myself available to him. No response.
It had now been a month since I’d seen him the first time. I realized the monthly staff meeting was going to be held again the next day. I had a meeting once again before that meeting – yes, it seems that’s all I do at work is hold meetings – some days it’s like that – anyway, with still no word from him, I arrived just before the meeting started. There was only a couple of empty seats left. I walked passed Chucky to take a seat. As I walked in the room, he said “Hi Leilani” in an excited voice. I said “Hello” back and sat down. During the meeting, I looked at him more closely. He was cute. It wasn’t until almost two-thirds of the way through the meeting that I noticed he was using his right hand to cover up a WEDDING RING on his left hand!!! Oh yes! Ryan was MARRIED! I was so disturbed I could feel the heat rising and turning my ears red! I’d had married guys from work ask me to have an affair with them before. I’ve been able to politely turn them down or deflect their unwanted attention, but this guy gave me no clues! It wasn’t until I saw his ring that I discovered the truth. I hadn’t noticed it before because I hadn’t been interested in him as a co-worker. I didn’t bother to look. And now I was pissed! Fortunately, someone wanted to talk to me after the meeting and he left the room before I had a chance to confront him. It could have been ugly and I was glad to have avoided it. Apparently he forgot to tell me his WIFE was also in town while his mother was visiting!
He made me believe I had fulfilled my New Year’s Resolution before January was even over!
He was a smooth operator. I should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy! So, after I got off work that day I did what every sensible and smart woman would do… I worked off my frustrations at the gym. Of course it didn’t help that the gym was flashing advertisements to a “Hunter’s Fundraising Banquet” and photos of dogs available at the local animal shelter on the tv screens while I was on the treadmill. I just turned up the music on my iPod and kept on going! I had lost my respect for him and reinforced my rule about not hooking up with anyone from work – even though I’d convinced myself that it’d be OK – he was in a completely different building and worked in a totally different department and he wasn’t even a scientist. I had been deceived. I put on a dress, smiled, and went to the murder mystery dinner with a girl friend of mine. And I sent her a text before dinner telling her how beautiful she looked that night ~ signed, Her Invisible Boyfriend – because she’d just broken up with her boyfriend who chooses MaryJanes instead of giving it up for her.
From now on, I’m only going to talk about the weather with him and perhaps ask him if his wife likes rain too. No more unprotected Brainal!